Seeking To Be Understood or Accepted?

I talk about this concept when working with couples, however, it applies to every single person.


AND… all of it begins with YOU!


When seeking to be understood, you are looking for synergy, sameness, oneness, compliance, alignment, and agreement.


You believe that people who understand you are more like you, and therefore more worthy of your time, love, care, and attention. This is a common aspect of the human condition, or being a human.


When you are in this space, you tend to have similar people in your life. They dress like you, think like you, have similar political, religious, parenting, health, and relationship beliefs as you.


It happens in mass too. Large groups of people who believe they “understand” each other and therefore belong together as a whole, tend to congregate.


Families, businesses, churches, clubs, various cultures, and political parties can all do this to some degree.


We can get caught up in this group mentality of “no one understands us”, OR “we are misunderstood”. AND “we don’t understand you/your group”.


Interestingly, the dynamics of wanting to be understood, striving to be understood, or trying to force understanding is actually rooted in victimhood or taking a victim position.


This kind of thinking elicits separateness and elitism. Group mentality often dehumanizes “others” and leads to a lack of compassion, care, support, and love to those who are not “part of OUR group/club”.


If you think about it, It’s actually not much different than being in jr high and not wanting another girl to join because, “she doesn’t look right, dress right, do the right sports, and so on”.