5 Ways To Get What YOU Want By Giving Him What He Needs
Why do women (and often men) seem to get so little of what they want from their love relationships, especially as time wages on?
We've heard it all before, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It's no "News flash!" that men and women require different needs, wants and desires in order to be happy and feel content in a relationship.
But why does it seem so damn difficult to speak the 'others'' language? Why do we tend to withhold, put up walls, hang on to resentment, even punish each other?
Let's face it, we think about our own desires first most of the time, especially when it comes to what we feel we are NOT getting in a relationship. In fact, we can be downright obsessive when it comes to our lover's perceived neglect.
The bummer is, if we want more from our partner/spouse, we need to give him more of what he wants. Even if you don't feel like it or you've felt neglected for a while now, change must begin somewhere, so why not with you?
Giving up self-focus and instead, learn to be of service to your lover. BUT, you must also and simultaneously honor yourself at all times. This habit will require discipline and ongoing practice.
And don't mistake service for servitude. I'm not talking slave labor here or some twisted Stepford wife dynamic! But acts of service can reap sustainable happiness, adoration, devotion and passion!
For various reasons, over time women begin to lose themselves in relationships and thus lose sight of the key ingredients to a fabulous relationship. We allow our mystery, independence, and individuality to be traded for things like control, complacency, stress, nagging, or being overly concerned about what "he" is doing or not doing. All of which ultimately makes him want to pull away and leaves you feeling miserable, alone and neglected! Let me make this very simple ladies; if you want more time, care and attention from your partner, there are 5 specific actions you can take. 1) Give Him Space.
Most men need and want space. Space can consist of emotional, physical, or both elements. When given space, he will come to you with more love and attention than you'll know what to do with. The problem is that most women get into habits of hovering, nagging, peppering with questions, smothering and even withholding sex and intimacy. Tactics such as these can come from a caring place, or a space of over-trying, controlling and neediness. None of which are attractive qualities, to either of you.
Whatever the source, these qualities are sure to push even the best man to become distant or even full emotional shut down. Men enjoy and want to share intimacy and vulnerability with you, BUT not by force. It will come as a result of you leaning back, while quietly and energetically inviting him in. Try this. For the next 2 -4 weeks, each time your partner returns home for the evening or wakes on the weekends, instead of immediately beginning to ask questions (or before you start any conversation) give him a warm kiss and then tend to yourself for a bit. Read. Take a bath. Go for a walk. Or tend to your chores as usual.
Whatever you choose to do, breathe..., be in your own calm energy, honor your own wishes and desires, and let him come to you if or when he is ready. If things have been strained in your relationship for any length of time, it may take several days or weeks for him to soften. This new action will build needed emotional safety, especially if there has been a history of anger, resentment or conflict.
This can be a fantastic experiment, practice leaning back physically and emotionally, and let your spouse / partner come to you while you calmly, coolly and confidently attend to your own needs! 2) Help Him Feel Desired.
Just as we want to feel adored and cherished, men want to feel desirable and capable. What have you done or said lately to help your man to feel wanted and like the total "kick ass" man of your dreams?
Bottom line: Men want to feel like men. If you treat him like a loser, he's going to act like one! If you treat him like he is lazy, he will behave that way. Our expectations and behavior have great influence. Are you utilizing your influence wisely? This is your chance to use your Jedi mind tricks, so be smart about it!
And don't even give yourself a moment to think, "Well, what the hell has he done for me lately?, why would I want to go the extra mile?"