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Sexuality, femininity and intimacy are all vital components of being a fully liberated woman. Last week I shared some of the barriers to fully expressing feminine prowess and intimacy Liberated Feminine Sexuality, and illuminated the fact that sex and intimacy are not the same thing, but can and do overlap.

This week I will empower you with an action plan to promote full expressions of self-love, sensuality, sexuality, femininity and personal allure. Combining these elements into your day-to-day life will not only help you feel liberated, but you will freely be able to experience life with deep, connected intimacy.

I tailor every program to my clients’ unique set of circumstances, but there are three important pieces that I ask all of my clients to practice. Two will be practiced alone and one with your lover. Remember, true intimacy begins with unconditional self-love, self-compassion, and self-passion.

Self-Pleasure- Woot woot! If you read those two words and instantly feel anxiety or a heat wave of nervous energy or you’re blushing and looking around to see if anyone is looking over you shoulder as you read… you can bet you have a bit work to do in this arena!

Does “self-pleasure” sound racy? Dirty? Sad? Uncomfortable? Naughty? Exciting? It’s different for many women depending on your unique history and healing journey.

When it comes to men, masturbation is expected— we all know they regularly give themselves “a hand.” Yet the perception of a woman pleasuring herself is often viewed quite differently by society.

I could write volumes on this piece, simply because there is such a monumental amount of fear, shame, embarrassment, apprehension and at times, refusal of women to touch themselves. But our bodies are our gorgeous temples—and in the same way we deserve to take care of our bodies, we deserve to pleasure our bodies. (And not a guilty pleasure either—NO guilt allowed!)

Consider this: Every millimeter of our bodies are coved in nerve endings that dance with pleasure when touched! Often we want our lover to do all the touching, all the exploring, all the satisfying, yet it’s crucial that you get pleasure from your own touch. How can you learn to be satisfied by your lover if you haven’t learned to satisfy yourself?

You can be gentle, loving and passionate in self-love! If you’ve never pleasured yourself sexually, begin slowly and be patient with yourself. The below recommendations will help you “get there.”

Take Action! Be mindful, this is a spiritual and sexual awakening and inner revolution! Allow love, softness and passion to play as a united front.

Make 1-2 dates per week with yourself. Set aside at least an hour. Include any rituals that feel good or relaxing (like a hot bath).

A few things you might want to include, but NOT every time. These are ideas to play with; to see what turns you on. No pressure! If you judge something as soon as you read it, it’s likely something you need to experiment with.

  • “Litertica.” 50 Shades of Grey is a world-wide best seller for a reason. Women love to read erotic literature! If you’re hesitant about visual pornography at first, “literotica” is a way to indulge your inner goddess and ease in with sexy reading.

  • Hands and Toys! Experiment with pleasuring yourself with your own hands and fingers as well as a variety of toys. Becoming comfortable with both is key to developing deep intimacy, spiritual connection and passionate sex with yourself and your lover.

  • Gentle or Soft Pornography. Be very particular with your choosing here, especially if you have an aversion, fear or anger toward pornography. Trust me, I get the hang ups- In my old life, I had lovers who were addicted to porn and strippers. There is often a negative association with pornography. But, the point here is to be appreciative of other feminine energy. I usually suggest lesbian porn at first, as it’s softer and less inclined to bring up as much old baggage. It’s also an opportunity to visualize what your fantasies are and to watch them play out on the screen.

Loving Lotion- Loving lotion is exactly what it implies. I want you to spend five minutes each day applying your favorite lotion head to toe with COMPLETE self acceptance, adoration and love.

From your tush to your tummy, and your toes to your temples, every square inch of you is deserving of love and adoration! This is your chance to appreciate all that you are in physical form. Visualize yourself as a body of perfection, regardless of size or shape. Give yourself permission to release yourself from expectations from the past that have trapped you in self-loathing and self-criticism. Love yourself through this gentle form of massage, tenderness, and intimacy.

Eye Gazing- Ultimately, this action is a form of meditation, but at first you must simply practice it in any way you can. This may seem simple, but it’s more than a staring contest! In fact, the first time I tried this for an extended period, I literally felt sick to my stomach.

To have a man’s loving eyes staring at me during a sexual encounter made me feel more naked than being naked– it was too raw, too vulnerable, as if he looked too deeply into the real me. I felt exposed and was afraid of what he might see (and that he might not like it.)

That, of course, is the point. Overcoming fear and reaching increasingly expanded levels of vulnerability and intimacy is all part of this beautiful journey to liberated sexual femininity.

Look into one another’s eyes and let yourself go… Do your best to lose yourself in one another’s gaze. Hold that gaze as often as possible during foreplay and while having sex.

While it may feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, it will become one of the sexiest parts of your intimate experience. To have an emotionally safe (this is absolutely imperative) lover looking into the so-called “windows of your soul” during love making requires practice, tenderness and patience. The reward will be sweet—and I’m not just talking eye candy!

Good luck with your practice!

If you struggle with intimacy or wounded sexuality (or both), give me a shout and we’ll work it out together.

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