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Starved Connections: 3 Tools For Deepening Your Personal Relationships

Are you feeling starved for connection?

The vast majority of pain, emotional suffering, anger, sadness, anxiety, illness, and depression are rooted in a lack of true, deep intimate connection to the Big 3: To others, to our inner spirit and to Mother Earth. Without those connections, we grasp, we force, we push others away, and we often engage in toxic and addictive behaviors, from substance abuse to over-spending. Discontent and dissatisfaction become the markers for our daily lives.

Our fears then act as intentions to keep our desires from manifesting. We find ourselves afraid to share our truth, heart and feelings. We may be afraid to say, “I feel rejected, abandoned, or sad.” Or to say, “I’m terrified.” Or, “I need attention,” or “I need to be held.”

For example, when was the last time you arrived home from a terrible day and said softly, “Darling, I had an awful day, will you hold me for a while? (Take me to dinner? Tell me you love and adore me? Tell me everything will be ok?)” Not likely… Instead we use defenses to remain disconnected, we snarl and bite at each other, behave with pride and resentment, all the while perpetuating the cycle of emotional starvation.

Like most of the ideas I teach, the actions to move us forward toward intimate connection and therefore peace, are quite simple. The following three actions will raise your level of connection, care, peace and joy!

1) ASK: Ask for what you want and need. The old adage is true: “Ask and you will receive.”

Interestingly, asking requires great courage and discipline. To ask for care when tempted to be angry or bitter will take courage and willingness to soften your heart, but more than anything, willingness to internalize that you are deserving to have your needs and desires met. The choice to not ask and therefore not receive, is a reflection of your self-perception. Look intently into your own eyes and say out loud: “I am deserving of this need.” By practicing this, you are inherently creating a cycle of giving and receiving, which is the very definition of harmony.

2) TOUCH: Touch seems so simple, yet we withhold it more often than not.

How often are you more inclined to watch your spouse/partner becoming angry and frustrated and then we retreat or lash back, instead of taking them in our arms? Recent studies have found that seemingly insignificant touches yield bigger tips for waitresses, that people shop and buy more if they’re touched by a store greeter, and that strangers are more likely to help someone if a touch accompanies the request. We all have the power of touch within us. We just have to choose to use it.

People are social animals who REQUIRE touch for optimal physical and emotional health, yet we continue to live our lives starved for connection. Don’t let fear prevent you from being intimately connected. Caress or hug others, pets, plants and flowers more often, and ask the same of others. Volunteer in retirement or nursing homes—the elderly are some of the most starved for connection.

3) CONNECT WITH MOTHER EARTH: Get into nature EVERY day, without excuse.

I hear you saying, “Shawn, I don’t have time for that”. But do you prefer the time you spend sad, frustrated and hurting? I’ve known of very few human experiences where a person didn’t feel uplifted by being outdoors. Mother Earth is alive. She heals, nurtures and cares for all who walk, run, fly, and crawl. She will caress you with limbs and lady bugs, snuggle you with grass and grass hoppers, and soothe your soul with a light breeze. Walk with her, talk with her, learn from her. She is ever present and awaiting your attention. Every moment with her is healing, steadfast and loving.

We all need, desire and deserve deep, intimate connection with others, our inner spirits and Mother Earth. Grab your courage and someone else in a big embrace—you’ll feel better, I promise!

Being vulnerable and connecting with others isnt easy. I know that. But these tips are designed to help you get started down that path. Interested in gaining support along your journey? Be sure to check out my upcoming 6-week Freedom From Chaos Telecourse!

The Freedom From Chaos course is a 6-week telecourse designed to help you find freedom from your chaotic life. The course will teach you to find clarity in your hectic life, remove the roadblocks to progress and truly commit to liberated living through structured course content and weekly calls with me, your coach! Interested in learning more?

About Shawn

Dr. Haywood believes in limitless possibility and cultivation of expanding human potential with each extraordinary client, group and team experience. While at the same time, stripping away confusion, obscurity, and obstacles in order to arrive at powerful and useful direction and solutions.

Our philosophy stems from the idea that all things and people are connected, impacting, dynamic and malleable. Our formula for defining, carving a path to, and ensuring success applies to life-fulfillment, business strategy, and even marriage strategy. Our coaching methodology can be replicated by clients in various aspects of his or her life. We find this to be a practical and effective method of problem solving, re-direction, result-orientation, and elegant solution discovery.

Tactically, clarity, simple systems, focus, discipline, and ease are the roots of our coaching implementation, and serve as an effective toolbox for seeking calm, fulfillment, and forward movement. Shawn and her team work with people to strip away that which is not working or causing problems, while simultaneously facilitating the most thrilling expression of liberated living, working, connecting, teaming, and value and cultural development and adherence!


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