Do You Have A Passive Aggressive Lover In Your Life?

Feeling punished. Strategic or convenient forgetting. Chronic lateness. Emotional withdraw. Pretending to be compliant. “If you love me, you would have ____.’

What do these ideas have in common?

Passive Aggression.

These are a few examples of the types of manipulation and self deprecation that can accompany Passive Aggressive behavior.

Passive Aggressive behavior is a deliberate, yet covert way of expressing internal anger, frustration, pain and suffering. It can be a learned behavior and stem from fear of being direct, fear of rejection or abandonment. A passive-aggressive person often seems like ‘the nicest to guys (or girls)’, but has a great deal of secret inner anger or pain.

When an interaction with a child, a parent, a teacher, a student, a spouse, a co-worker, a boss, or even an online acquaintance leave you feeling like have had the rug pulled out from underneath, confused and turned around, like something the was clearly the other person bad behavior is not your fault, or that you’ve been on an emotional roller coaster, perhaps a passive aggressive person has shown up on your life.

Some of the most common passive aggressive behaviors include:

  • Withdrawing or shutting down, rather than sharing his or her desires, wants opinions or needs

  • Saying things like ‘fine’, ‘you pick’, ‘I don’t care’, or ‘whatever; to stop a discussion

  • Procrastinating or completing tasks poorly or inefficiently

  • Placating or agreeing, while knowing they have no plan to change a behavior

  • Chronic lateness, especially to events that are important to loved ones

  • Blowing up over minor things

  • Lying about where they are

  • Lying in general

  • Giving the silent treatment

  • Low self esteem / low confidence

  • Very smart, but prone to underachieving

  • Often drink to excess

  • Incite eggshell walking in family members

  • Often pretend to be compliant

People who behave in passive aggressive have a very difficult time and even have a deep rooted fear of being vulnerable, open, honest, direct, clearly communicative, and decisive. Fortunately, these behaviors can be turned around but usually require a good coach or therapist to learn tools, understand the roots, and for unconditional support.