What the hell is happening to sex? People talk about it constantly. Most products are sold on some premise of it. Pornography videos are being viewed by the millions each day- yet fewer and fewer couples are actually doing it! What gives?
More couples than would like to admit are living in sex- starved marriages and relationships. This is a travesty and must be remedied. Instead of giving you a litany of reasons as to why sex starved relationships develop, let’s cut to the chase and take action so you and your partner can create a stronger relationship that includes plenty of sex, passion, care and connection in your love life! Below are five tips for dudes and five tips for the ladies. Happy reading.
FIVE TIPS FOR DUDES THAT WILL IGNITE FIRE & PASSION!
A confident, self-assured, decisive man is wildly sexy! What more needs to be said… Whishy washy and hem hawing is the opposite and steals feminine desire. Men please- Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Ask for what you want. Make plans when you like (for yourself and as a couple). And take whatever bold actions align with the type of man you desire and aspire to be!
While many men consider vulnerability a weakness, it is quite the contrary in the eyes of a woman. Expressing oneself through desires, feelings, struggles, hopes and dreams in authentic ways requires great courage and is most certainly extremely S.E.X.Y!
Ladies will want to share connection, closeness and her body when you put down all of your devices (and stop watching so much TV) at the end of your work day and give her your undivided attention. Twenty minutes to several hours, depending upon the day and your energy. She needs to feel important, desired and valuable in order to feel sexual. You’re in control here men; feminine desire begins with you!
Strength comes in a variety of delicious masculine flavors. But certainly includes consistency and discipline and can show up as - consistency with your word, integrity at work, devotion to your partner, sticking to a fitness, personal development or eating plan, and setting good boundaries. Note: If a woman acts as your mother, your care taker, keeper of schedules and to dos… she will ultimately STOP being your lover.
This may seem obvious, but every day, I watch, once strong independent men, bend, morph and fold to become what he thinks his partner wants him to be. There is no bigger tragedy or betrayal of oneself and little that is less attractive to a woman (even if she is asking you to do the bending). No matter how many tantrums your woman throws, or guilt trips she gives or whining you choose to endure… you must honor yourself. Loving is not about losing your identity. Everyone gets to adulthood with wounds to heal and work to do, but you are also worthy of being who you want and choose to be- and a good woman will appreciate you and find you fabulously sexy for being exactly who you are!
FIVE TIPS FOR CHICKS THAT WILL IGNITE FIRE & PASSION!
Ladies, you gotta keep a little mystery! Be spontaneous, be playful, and embrace FUN and adventure! You often set the tone for a relationship, and if you fall into a totally domesticated doll drum role, you may lose some of your sexual mystique as well! Don’t get boring! And stop acting like the house will fall in or burn down if you aren’t ultra controlling, I mean “responsible”! It is ok to delegate, eliminate or systematize enough of your to dos so you can have space for fun and excitement! And trust me, this piece is as crucial to your happiness and sexual desire as it is to his.
From my own experience, I know that it can be very difficult to maintain femininity. Women are expected to do “all that a man can do and more”, while also running the home and raising children - then still be expected to be soft, sensual, available, vibrant and “ready for action” at the drop of a hat! It isn’t always easy, is it?
But the feminine part is necessary. This element is at the core of much of my coaching with women- this balancing act can seem tricky, but with the right tools, it can be smooth sailing!
Your man wants to be with a woman who is secure, self-assured, knows what she wants and is willing to ask for it or go and get it herself! Confidence is sexy and will draw your man (or future man) like bees to honey!
It’s all too easy to for women to fall into the routine of “doing whatever your man is doing”. This spells danger for several reasons. 1) You must find yourself valuable enough to maintain your beautiful identity, 2) you will eventually become resentful if you abandon your life for his, all the while blaming him for your choices, 3) you will project your upset on your man as you trade your independence for him and you will slowly stop wanting to have sex as a result, and 4) a sadness and pain will move into your heart and mind that is unimaginable (experience talking here…) – this is the pain of self-abandonment- it is the worst kind. Listen ladies, no man is worth giving up your hobbies, interests, passions, self care or your – self as a whole- and there is certainly nothing attractive about it for either of you
Embrace the beautiful, mysterious, adventurous creature that resides within you. She is dangerous and safe, playful and serious, wild and tame, joyful and contemplative, feminine and sensual and so much more. You have hopes and dreams that are worth chasing.
Embrace your inner inspiration and free spirit every day! We must maintain our individuality (or reclaim it) inside of our relationship. The balance in all relationships is a fine one and must be attended to and tuned frequently.
Reach out if you'd like support along your journey!
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Cheers to Liberate Living! Shawn