Would you like your relationship to last a lifetime? It can. Loving partnerships are far less
complex than we make them! Try out some of the tips below and watch the love grow…
1) Focus Wisely Young Padawan! The majority of couples begin to collapse for one key reason- they begin to focus increasingly on what annoys the shit out of them! I don’t know about you, but if I only focused on what could annoy me, I might not like anyone or anything!
Of course your partner does, says, or behaves in ways you don’t like at times. News flash!
You have just as many annoying habits or characteristics as your partner! I assure you, if we illuminated all our “annoying” traits by focusing on them, there would be plenty to dislike about each one of us. We’re all imperfect humans, aren’t we?
Fortunately, for each icky facet of our personalities there is a thousand times more beauty, love and kindness to be found. However, in order to let these wonderful qualities shine through But, we must actively practice focusing on the beauty! Your job is to love and accept your partner and to insist on seeing him or her for their goodness rather than nit picking, judging or condemning him or her for your perception of what is imperfect.
2) No More Bossy Britches! I’ll sit in public places and listen to couples lament what the other “should” be doing, “should” have done, or “should” go do in the future! Honestly, couples get too involved in each others’ lives. Being married or in a committed relationship in NO way gives you permission to tell the other how to live, nor does it give you ownership over his or her life.
This nasty little habit is the fast track to building resentment and stripping away passion, squashing sexual attraction and eradicating your close, loving connection. Allow your partner to be who they are fully and instead concern yourself with how you are expanding your own life.
3) Remember Your Independence? Over the course of a relationship, often one person in the pair lets her independence fade, resulting in neediness, efforts to control, over-identification with a spouse, and too much interest in his life! This is very unattractive and functions as a “repellent.” Each partner must maintain independence and mystery; these are sexy and alluring qualities! It IS ok to have secrets! Much to the dismay of many, we need not know everything about the other person and individuality is paramount to sustainability.
4) Be An Effective Team! What do you and your partner do that cultivates effective teamwork? Possibilities: cook a meal together, try out partner yoga, put a puzzle together. It matters very little what you do, as long as you are spending time as a team. Heck, sometimes just getting on the same page (and relinquishing pride) while parenting can be a solid team effort as well as a bonding and connecting experience!
5) Play together! Yes, you MUST play together. Couples who lose the element of fun and play, will drift apart over the years and replace it with feelings like anger, irritation,and resentment,; and activities like more work, TV, or hobbies that do not include you. This ultimately leads to an isolated and destined-for-divorce relationship. Trust me, play together today, stay together tomorrow!
Listen, staying happy together is not “hard.” It may feel emotionally difficult and taxing at times, but the actions required to have a fantastic relationship are simple. 1) Focus on what you love, adore and respect about your partner 2) Let your partner be who he or she chooses. 3) Nurture your own beautiful independence. 4) Work and play as a fantastic, effective team. 5) Find the element of play in all you do together!
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