Right-fighters, (or those driven by the need to be right at nearly any cost), have their value and worth literally attached to the outcome of being right. On a deep level, right-fighters believe that if s/he is not agreed with then s/he is not valuable, lovable, worthy. At our core however, we want desperately to feel valuable, thus the metaphorical “fight to the death” for right-fighters is eminent.
The right-fighter falsely believes (and nearly always unconsciously) that others must agree with him/her in order to be valuable or appear competent. Unfortunately, fighting to win provides only short-term satisfaction, if any at all, while being harmful to others and destructive to relationships. There is perceived comfort in being agreed with (just like some people find comfort in over eating or getting drunk.
Right-fighting ultimately leads to dependency upon others’ agreement for “faulty self-esteem boosts”, therefore bullying others into submission becomes a nasty little habit. And draining roller-coaster of conflict, hurt feelings, justification and guilt.
Right-righting is often an acceptable form of violence and aggression. Because right-fighting patterns are ultimately one sided, producing a winner and a loser, the effects can be abusive. Learned submission and a low self-concept on the part of those who interact with right-fighters is inevitable.
At home or work, a right-fighting environment cultivates resentment, anger, disloyalty, complaining, gossiping, lack of intimacy or connected relationships, poor decision-making and communication, and low productivity.
This information may be difficult to swallow, and being a recovered right-fighter myself, I understand the challenges here. But if you want to be a better leader, partner, friend or family member, you will learn to let go of this destructive habit asap!
Next post will provide a deeper understanding of right-fighting habits!
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In love & liberation! Shawn